if you don’t want to be depressed do not read this.
today I am feeling a bit down, hormones? anyway my diet has deterioted a little bit, nothing major, but I am feeling a little depressed today. I was thinking about my life and realized how I really don’t have alot of close friends. I know many people are busy with their own lives and I am too, but it seems so hard for me to make good friends, not having alot of energy myself it is hard or impossible for me to do alot of reaching out, I try when I go to meetings or whatever to take the initiative (I have always been that way taking the initiative to be friends to others for many years now) but it seems not to many really find me interesting enough, I do have some friends that tolerate me, but not the kind of friends who you feel you can talk to about anything (except one or two). I know they are busy doing a good work helping others and I don’t want them to stop, when . once I was at a get together and it was hard to get anyone to hardly talk to me, sure they talked a little but mostly out of courtesy (except one or two who I have known many years) I even seen a friend of mine who I worry about sitting off to the side and hardly anyone went over to talk to her, so I did, I even went for a little hike with her, I never see her smile by the way, I think she suffers depression or something I kind of want call her on the phone, but maybe she doesn’t want to be bothered?
I am just thinking too how the pressures of satans world may have alot to do with this, unconsciously we may be getting dragged down mentally and emotionally by it. no way do I want to ever be a burden to anyone, but it is so hard to make good friends and keep them. I don’t think I have the energy to do that for to long, my hubby is my bestest earthling friend. Maybe my hormones has gotten my emotions all in a rag tag, so don’t pay me to much mind, anyway my diet deteroited a little bit, these last couple of days my appetite doens’t seem to want to shut down, I think the diet has benefitted me in that I am ovulating, you ever get that sharp pain near your ovaries? well I would get them and they lasted for days, now only a couple of hours and it doens’t hurt at much either. my last period was very light and normal for a change (after the last 15 years of not).
it is amazing how our hormones can affect our emotions so weirdly, I know my friends are busy with jobs and such and they know they can’t visit during the week as my hubby is a daysleeper and all and on the weekends they have their families to care for and spiritual activities to get involved in so I understand. I just wish this world did not place so many demands on us to perform (just so we can live a half way decent life) and would allow more time and energy to socialize more. build up a loving association as it were.
I wish I could get off my own duff and take the initiative myself more, but now that it is winter I am more laid back lacking that drive, that energy I usually have in the summer to do something anything to brighten up my own mood, like go for a walk (to snowy, no sidewalks) or use the treadmill, (boring). sometimes with me it is just a matter of that first leap, usually. now I just want to bang my head against a wall and say come on bert, get up do something anything. lol.
so Ithink I will just bite the bullet and get on that treadmill. talk to you all later.